Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
