i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
