You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
