You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
