i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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