he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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