I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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