i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
