I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
