So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
