My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The cops high fived after they tackled you
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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