Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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