What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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