Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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