one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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