So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
