I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
