im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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