Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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