i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
