i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
