oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
