haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
