there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
