I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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