Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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