I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
