what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
