well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
