I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
