Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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