im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
