she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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