You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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