the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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