his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
