Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
