I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
