sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
