what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
