you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
