just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
