I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
