I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
