walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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