RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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