It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
