my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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