john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
