it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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